28.10.07

what about love??

today is a blue blue day for me.... have been losing sleep for two days and finally last nite can sleep well.. but i don't neo how come i still feel so blue... maybe becoz today somebody ask me how came i am never serious when talking to boy-girl relationship? he also ask if i have really been serious with anyone before... hmmm... seems like he is unhappy about how i handle things... i did not give him the answer he expects so i guess we could only be friends (anyway he is not my kind....) actually i did not have any serious relationship before, all was just abit more than friends but never really say the three magic words (i love u)... but i do come across PEOPLE (take note is people not person) whom will make my heart pump really fast and my face turn REAL red!!
the first guy (lets call him MR A) was in secondary school, he was a senior and almost all of my good friends knew that i have a crush on him. I remembered i saw him in my secondary school canteen the first day when i was in sec1, he is not good looking but he just attracted my attention jus like a vaccum... at first i thought it was just a crush but i guess i was wrong... although we were in the same school we never knew each other. i have only talked to him once and i was secretly in love with him for three whole years. during these three years, i would look out of the class window to see him playing basket ball at the court, stare at his back when having assembly in the hall, i once even secretly took his photo... although we never knew each other when ever i am close to the area that he is at (even passing by his class), my heart would race and i couldn't breath!! although he never knew who i was but i was satisfied with the way things are. there are afew occasions where my friends who knew him wants to be the matchmaker but i decline their goodwill. Felt that i was still not ready to make friends with him as time is not ripe... but on the last day of sec 3, it was also his last day in school as he is graduating after the O levels. I wanted to go up to him to tell him i liked him, but when i go to him (with the help of another friend), i was just too scared and nervous that after he said hi and called my name, my mind went blank and i ran away after saying hi back!!! that was the first and the last time we said anything to each other so i blew my chance and regretted it....
the second guy (MR Z) was one of my classmate and consider as a good friend. we have been friends and have been in the same class for two years and i realised that i have feelings that are more than friends for him only at the last year of my sec 4 days. although i did not tell him straight to face that i like him, i presented in a way that even the blind knows that i have feelings for him. all my friends around me felt that i was treating him to differently so they started to ask and in the end, almost half the class knows what is going on. i thought maybe things might happen between us and i tought he felt the same way... i remembered one night i was on the phone with him talking about the BBQ that i am organising suddenly he start to hem and haw... i secretly thought that he would pop the question but in the end he made a big round just to tell me that he actually only treated my as one of his friends or maybe a good friend and he also say he was not ready for relationship.... so i guess we can only be friends although i was really down and had the first cry over a guy for two days in a row and it was that time i felt heartbroken for the first time..... until now i am still in contact with MR Z and amazingly we have been friends for 10 long years, i hope to carry on this friendship with him as long as he is happy, i will be happy... although he is just my friend...
the last guy (MR L) who touched my heart was a few years back. he was afew years yougnger than me and we met while working as tis time i told him straight to face that i liked him but things did not work out and ended in an ugly manner... that was the last time when i was serious...
actually the most important reason for me not wanting to get serious into any relationship was because after MR L, a very drastic incident happen and made me loss my confidence in trusting a guy. i have a pair of good friends (i know both of them since sec school days) that have been together like forever but they broke up. the reason that they broke up was becoz of cheat and my girlfriend was so devasated that our whole group was with her like almost 24/7... she did alot of things that until now i still feel scared and heatbroken for her.... they have always be the ideal pair and i thought they would be together forever but that guy actually cheated her, although until now it has been so long like 3yrs... i still cant help but feel sad and i really can't trust guys anymore....
so anyway life goes on and actually i have let alot of people or should i say guys whom have treated me well down. so i should apologise to them rite? anyway life goes on and the next guy i also dun neo if he would be the rite one.... time will tell rite??
alrite so if u come across my blog, so u would neo the reason, dont ask me.... ok goodnite...

23.10.07

dinner with a group of jokers

Had dinner with a bunch a jokers yesterday nite, boon, yi liang, zhi hao (with gf) and vera.
Was supposed to be boon's farewell dinner, but we ended joking about vera and after she left, we were talking about zhihao and leonard during school days. how leonard was bullied blah blah blah... enjoyed really much, brings back alot of sweet memories... after dinner we went to walk around at tampines area than go to mac @ interchange when leonard came. in mac, the guys were attacking leonard and he looked so funny!!! than we talked baout when will boon be coming back to singapore, he will be back in feb during the CNY period, so it was also near to yi liang b'day... so we decided to book a chalet so the guys can drink till they drop and sleep at the toilet bowl (hahaha...) becoz boon will be bringing liquor back (with 80% alcohol!!)... can't imagine what will happen... than slowly our topic change to who shall we ask? boon suggest that i jus give everybody the dates of chalet and everybody can come at their own convience... great idea!!! so i have to go now to do my part (check the prices and book the chalet....) gtg!!! bye!!!

21.10.07


harlow!!! this is my first entry of blog.... i always dont understand why alot of peolple likes to blog and whats the real meaning of it??? so i decided to try it out... so from today onwards, i will treat this as my personal diary and recordall my details in here...

always like to keep my hair short....

i just celebrated my birthday with a group of buddies and had a great time!!! i really ordered alot of food and had second round at gelang (we had our first @ bedok), i had a mp4 as present and the next day, my manager treated me and my co-workers for lunch as a celebration of my birthday... has a great time altogether better than my birthday last year!!!
ok got to go enjoy the movie i jus loaded... c ya